Introduction: Trauma, Abandonment & Privilege

Despite frequent references in English popular literature to the agonies experienced by children at boarding schools, the long-term effects of a boarding education have, until very recently, remained unnoticed by the medical and psychological professions. In Britain, boarding education carries high social status, is considered a privilege, and is rife with parental expectation.

Those sent to these schools are children and therefore unable to make informed choices; they trust their parents to do what is best and do not want to disappoint them. They learn to disown their emotions and put on a brave face, unaware of the problems this may cause them later in life. Taking their experience as normal, many adult ex-boarders experience problems in intimate relationships and family life. They may retreat into workaholism, unaware of the suffering that this masks.

Conclusion: a need for specialist training

Any therapist’s daily practice includes early deprivation and family of origin work, so the client with attachment problems will be familiar. But what is rarely understood is the sophistication of the ex-boarder’s survival self and the widespread devastation it brings to individuals, couples and families over generations.

Ex-boarders are amongst the most difficult clients. This is due to both the social dimension of the syndrome and the strength of the secret internalised shame. The self in distress is frequently masked by a very competent, if brittle, socially rewarded exterior. For these reasons, even experienced analysts and therapists may unwittingly struggle to skilfully address the needs and tactics of this client group.

Hence the need for some specialist training. To this end we are pleased to offer

  • an expanding range of publications (Routledge have published their seventh book on the topic)
  • one-off introductory CPD training days or introductory talks in different areas, please see below. Please email us to arrange an event in your area or organisation
  • a full 8 day post-graduate training programme, please see below
  • specialist supervision – please email us to arrange customised supervision

Introductory CPD training days


22 January 2022, Zoom CPD day: Trauma, Privilege and Abandonment: Boarding School Syndrome, an introductory day with Nick Duffell and BSS team on the clinical challenges of working with ex-boarders. Times and cost: 09.30 – 16.30, limited places, early birds £75 or after 15/12/21 £90. 7 hours CPD certificates given. For booking and registration please email us.

12 February 2022, Lewes, East Sussex, one day workshop with specialist Boarding School Survivor therapists Karen Macmillan and Sara Warner, exploring the theory, themes, and issues which are specific to working with women who have boarded. Details and registration here.

25 March 2022, for Relate Mid-Surrey, an in-house day with Nick Duffell, focussing on the impact of boarding on family and intimate relationships. Venue: Reigate, Surrey. Contact Relate Mid-Surrey. If restrictions don’t allow, the event will take place on Zoom.

14 May 2022, Working with Privileged Abandonment, a Scotland-based CPD day organised by Greenwood Events in Glasgow or Edinburgh. If restrictions don’t allow, the event will take place on Zoom. Further details and booking here.

New date spring 2022 TBC. Zoom SymposiumHow does Boarding Education impact society in Britain and Overseas? A CPD day organised by the OPUS  group. On the panel: Thurstine Basset, Nick Duffell, Olya Khaleelee, Carlos Remotti-Breton and Dwight Turner. Times and cost: 09.30 – 16.30, Opus members £55, non-members £75; limited places, booking and registration here.

21 January 2023,  ‘Normalised Neglect & Privileged Abandonment’, an introductory CPD day with Nick Duffell in Wimbledon on the clinical challenges and skills development in working with ex-boarders, hosted by Wimbledon Guild Counselling Training. If restrictions don’t allow, the event will take place on Zoom. Further details, booking and registration here.

If you are interested in hosting similar events, in your area please email us


Recent CPD introductory training events:

May 15 2021: ‘Normalised Neglect & Privileged Abandonment’, an introductory CPD morning with Nick Duffell, now over Zoom, on the clinical challenges and skills development in working with ex-boarders, hosted by Wimbledon Guild Counselling Training. Feedback available here.
November 30 2020: Understanding ‘Privileged Abandonment’ trauma states,  an introductory evening with Nick Duffell on Zoom to approach the clinical challenges and skills development in working with probably the fastest-growing new client group, ex-boarders, hosted by the Bristol Psychotherapy Association.  This event drew over 90 participants.
‘Privileged Abandonment’  September 14 2020, And evening with Nick Duffell introducing Boarding School Syndrome at the Hampstead Psychotherapy Club – now an online event due to Covid – full details and feedback here.
‘Trauma and Privilege, Abandonment and Boarding School Syndrome’, an introductory day with Nick Duffell supposed to be in Newbury, Berkshire, on the clinical challenges of working with ex-boarders Saturday 4 April 2020, but successfully run as a Zoom meeting. Flyer and full details here.
‘Working with Privileged Abandonment’, an introductory day with Nick Duffell and Boarding School Survivors team members in Lewes, East Sussex, Saturday, 22 February 2020, on the clinical challenges of working with ex-boarders. Download flyer and full details here.
‘Trauma and Privilege, Abandonment and Boarding School Syndrome’: A sell-out day with Nick Duffell in Newbury, Berkshire, Saturday 12 October 2019.  Feedback and summary of the day available here.
‘Normalised Neglect and Privileged Abandonment’: a morning’s talk and Q & A with Nick Duffell at the Royal Literary & Scientific Institute, Bath, Saturday February 16th 2019. A sell-out event organised by  Domini Barry.
‘Trauma, Abandonment and Privilege’: a day with Nick Duffell in Dorchester, Dorset, Saturday 17 November 2018, 10:00am – 4:00pm. This sell-out event had excellent feedback from 56 participants here.
‘Understanding Privileged Abandonment’: a day with Nick Duffell at the University of Essex, Colchester, Monday 26th November 2018. Including also a research seminar for trainee clinical psychologists.

Specialist Training over four weekends in London

Having pioneered therapeutic work with ex-boarders since the late 80’s, in 2006 we joined forces with Professor Joy Schaverien to run the first ever specialist training in this subject. Then, to coincide with the launch of our Routledge guide to therapeutic work with ex-boarders, Trauma, Abandonment and Privilege, (read Sue Gerhardt’s review) we offered a new Diploma Training with CPD option at post-graduate level, ‘The Un-Making of Them‘ in 2016.  In response to popular demand, we offered this training again in 2017-18. Due to our new Menswork Facilitation Training , the next intake starts 2021 in London.

The ‘Un-Making of Them’ Training is based the theory and methodology outlined in our ‘Toolkit’ section below and has minimum written requirements. It has been designed to meet full accreditation status. Graduates are eligible to join our referral system and (by invitation) the BSS Workshop Facilitation Team. Continuing to the diploma is optional and participants may sit the training simply to update their practice.



The next intake starts 22-23 May 21. 

As a concession to those already enrolled who want to get going, we are running part of the initial module on Zoom. However, this training is experiential and embodied and we are NOT willing to downgrade it to an on-line training. We propose to meet in person at our London venue in July. Of course, all dates are subject to disruption due to the on-going Covid pandemic.

An Open Morning will be held on Zoom on Saturday morning April 24th, 10 – 12. To register for the Open Morning please email us.

We are taking applications now, and there are limited places. For those who cannot make all dates or commit to the full diploma training, single certificated CPD weekend units (14 hours) may be applied for, if we have additional space. Please read the Curriculum first and then please email us if you are interested in this option.

Full details of dates, content, venue and costs are set out in our downloadable Curriculum. Application is via the downloadable application form. Applications must be accompanied by a deposit. Please click on the links just below. NB: on some browsers and devices you may need to right click and opt for ‘save file as’.

The ‘Un-Making of Them’ Curriculum (PDF file)

NB. Whilst we are awaiting confirmation of subsequent module dates, the curriculum may show previous dates

The ‘Un-Making of Them’ Application Form (Microsoft Word file)


This training will equip you with the ‘Un-Making of Them’ Toolkit

Staffed  by experienced members of our team led by Nick Duffell as Main Trainer and Joy Schaverien as Senior Supervivor, The Un-Making of Them‘ training encompasses the important new understanding in trauma and neuroscience alongside three decades of experience of working with this barely recognised client group.

The practical dimensions of this work will help therapists to:

  • Detect boarding issues underlying present problems
  • Recognise the survival self and types
  • Understand the Strategic Survival Personality
  • Break through the silence, shame and denial
  • Loosen double-binds about privilege and envy
  • Help clients move out of survival into living
  • Ground work in the RAC Model: Recognition, Acceptance Change
  • Understand the institutionalised dimension of hierarchies, bullying and abuse
  • Identify and work with specific transference dynamics
  • Learn to work with traumatic dissociation
  • Learn to work with acute projections of incompetence and vulnerability
  • Understand the ex-boarder’s tactics for intimacy avoidance and how this affects loved ones and partners

Click here to request information about our upcoming training and CPD days or to enrol for ‘The Un-Making of Them’ Diploma Training.

Who is this training for?

Our expanded team now offers specialist CPD and training programmes open to analysts, psychotherapists, counsellors and arts therapists. These courses will interest those who have just one ex-boarder in their practice as well as those who work with many and also to school and university counsellors. It is not necessary to have been a boarder and in some circumstances this may even be an advantage.

The team’s aim with these events is to make the Boarding School Syndrome and the Strategic Survival Personality better understood within the profession and thus broaden the network of colleagues to whom they can make informed referrals.